This article is about something that destroys a lot of people’s happiness, a lot of people’s joy, a lot of people’s fulfillment in life.
It’s a pattern that I’ve observed amongst many people including myself.
I’m not perfect, I’m not better than anyone, I’ve indulged in a lot of these negative patterns that affected my life, my joy, my happiness and it’s something I want to bring up in this article.
The pattern that I’m talking about is the pattern of judgment.
judging and criticizing others
Now I think as human beings it could be natural to judge other people and often times a lot of this comes up in our head.
You might be for example walking down the street or see other people and observe other people, but you might have these negative thoughts come up in your mind.
You might be thinking, for example, you might see someone and judge them on how they look or how they dress or you might judge them for being overweight or underweight or you might judge them for how they sound.
You might judge someone else on their behavior, you know what they’re doing or what they did.
You might judge other people that are on the road that you’re driving with, maybe someone cuts you off or someone’s a slow driver or fast driver and you judge them for that. You have this energy, these thoughts that come up and you criticize them for that behavior.
It might be how other people are living their life, you might judge and criticize other people for not being as healthy as you are.
Or some of the decisions that they make and think of why would they do that.
Or maybe that person meets another human being and they get married to that person within three months and you judge them and you think that they’re stupid and idiots for making that decision so fast, it’s not going to work out.
I don’t know what it is, I’m just giving you some examples but it’s judging other people.
And I think what you gotta understand is that where this comes from, is your ego.
That’s all it really is, your ego, which thrives off of significance and feeling like you’re more superior than someone else because, when you’re judging another human being and you’re criticizing them you’re essentially putting them down and you’re elevating yourself.
You’re making yourself feel better about yourself and you think, well now that person’s overweight or that person dresses in a very eccentric way and has too many tattoos and piercings and you judge them for that.
Or you judge them for whatever it is, but essentially what that’s doing is making you feel better about yourself.
It’s elevating yourself which really stems from insecurity and is really a projection of your own unhappiness and lack of fulfillment in your life.
I really want you to understand that when you judge and criticize other people, you’re not happy.
I’ve met a lot of happy people because I’ve studied happiness, the happiest people that I know they never judge, they never criticize, they just love everyone, they’re just so happy, they’re so overflowing with joy and happiness in their life.
They want to bring everyone up, they want to make everyone else feel better, it’s not about them, it’s about serving others and amplifying how they feel and they exude that positivity, that joy, that happiness, it’s contagious, it’s infectious to everyone else around them.
Maybe you know someone like that in your life, that just is so happy in that way.
But also maybe you know someone that, when you`re around them, you know you feel like they’re judging you or criticizing you in some way, and you don’t feel good about that, it affects your relationship with other people as well.
Number one, so have that awareness, are you judging other people?
Are you criticizing them? Often times people do that in their head.
You might have these negative thoughts that come up, have that awareness of it, that that’s just the ego that’s coming up, that wants you to feel like you`re better than everyone else or that your way is the right way, or that you know everything, this is what’s right and this is what’s wrong.
Of course, we know that life isn’t that simple, there are many ways of doing things.
I have the spiritual belief that as human beings we’re all equal.
We are all brothers and sisters on this planet, we’re all part of the same humanity and ultimately, yes everyone looks different and has different behaviors but people are not their behaviors, people are not how they decide to dress or how they decide to look, or what they decide to do, or how they live their life.
As human beings were more than that, we’re spiritual beings and I can go on and on about spiritual maybe we’ll talk about that in another article but, I’ll give you a bit of solution something that can help you with that, I’ll share that with you a little bit later on in this article, but number one, have that awareness, are you judging are you criticizing.
Number two, understand that this is stealing and you’re cheating yourself on your own happiness and joy.
Because what I also want you to understand is that when you judge and you criticize other people, I can promise you that you judge and criticize yourself much harsher.
It’s really unfair to judge someone else because, we’ve all made mistakes, we’ve all screwed up we’ve all done silly and stupid things.
If you get yourself out of your own world for a moment and step into someone else’s shoes you can have a better level of awareness and understanding and compassion for another human being.
How could you judge someone else for making that decision, maybe buying something or eating that junk food or whatever it is when we both know you’ve also done that yourself.
So again understand that you can’t really judge, it’s not fair to you because you’ve also made mistakes, no one’s perfect.
I think also the judgment and criticizing other people comes from a perfectionist mentality which is part of the ego as well, where we have to be perfect.
When you have a perfectionist mentality about yourself, you project that to other people and you expect other people to also be perfect, other people also to be a certain way, because you believe that your way is the right way.
Understand when you judge, when you criticize, when you point the finger at someone else, you’ve always got three other fingers pointing back at you.
You better make sure that if you do point the finger at someone else that your hand is clean and no human being again has never made any mistakes.
What’s the solution to this how do you overcome this pattern?
This is something I’ve worked on a lot in my life and it’s really helped me become more loving, happier and changed my entire life.
I can’t even begin to tell you how and I’m not sure if everyone’s open to this or not. Because sometimes on the internet there are people that are negative about change. Am I the solution to this and am I the solution to dealing with people like that?
I’m not going to judge them for that, that’s what I used to do.
I said I think all these people are idiots and they’re unhappy and they’re unfulfilled, I don’t have because again that’s the ego coming up.
If I start to judge other people if I think, well they’re criticizing so they’re unhappy in their life, that’s still making me feel better about myself, making me feel more superior because that’s the ego coming up again.
So what I do instead, is whenever I deal with someone like that or even when I have these thoughts come up for myself, what I always try to do is, my trigger is to always send love.
Because love is the ultimate emotion, the ultimate spiritual emotion in life.
I think that we’re beings of love I think our creator unconditionally loves us and I think that love is one of the ultimate solutions in life to peace and harmony and happiness and well-being.
If I catch myself I just send them love, I just either put my hand on my heart and just send them energy and love.
Often times in my head I’ll interrupt my pattern and just say I love you.
If I catch myself, okay that person’s acting a little bit funny or maybe they’re a homeless person and you know I might catch myself judging them for something.
I remember, for example, I used to see these homeless people and they would ask for money, ask for change, but then end up going and buy drugs with it or buy alcohol with it.
Sometimes these homeless people, they would really be homeless but they would do certain things that I felt just weren’t really fair.
For example, some homeless people would kind of lie or makeup things just to be able to get some money or exaggerate it.
Some homeless people would even have a dog and a pet.
I started judging them for that, why are they deceiving people in this way or they have a dog but they can’t even take care of themselves.
But instead, I catch myself and realize you know what, no one’s perfect.
Everyone has their experiences of life and I’ve never been in that experience where that person’s been in their life, so I can’t really judge that person for that.
Instead, what I do I just send them love.
Because again I believe that human beings, that we’re all brothers and sisters were all related we’re all connected in some way.
I remember I used to judge people at one point in my life when I used to be a strict raw foodist.
I was really into it and I remember I used to judge other people for eating animals or eating unhealthy.
I went to the grocery store and see someone buying dairy products and meats and all these unhealthy foods.
They’d be overweight and I started judging them for it.
But again that’s my ego coming up, my ego wanting to feel more significant and better than the other person.
Believing that my way is the right way, so instead, I would just send them love and I think that’s the most important thing and it’s not about being right.
As the saying goes, you could either be right or you could be happy.
Often times people bring that up in relationships, oftentimes couples they fight and you got to ask yourself do I want to be right and have the ego win and have that selfish victory or am I more committed to the well-being, the harmony of the relationship and would I rather be in love.
I don’t know about you guys but I’d rather be in love.
I choose love, hopefully, you decide to choose love in your life and happiness and just send love.
One exercise you can do if you want something practical, walk down the street, I do this all the time it’s a lot of fun.
Walk down the street, as people are passing by, every person that you see just in your mind, just send them love, just say I love.
They’re going to walk past you, they’re probably not going to notice you, but next person that walks by you do it again, I love you, next person that walks by just say I love, you just say that in your mind.
You don`t have to say it verbally, you don’t have to say it out loud, but just in your mind.
Because what happens is, when you give love, you also feel it.
You feel it inside yourself when you give to others, and you’re also practicing the abundance mindset, where you realize that there’s more than enough, you’re not threatened by anyone, you’re not insecure, you’re coming from a higher level place, a place of a higher level of consciousness in your life.
I think if you can do that, it will not only change your life, your happiness, your joy.
Because you also got to understand that there are physical consequences of judging and hating and criticizing because it makes you more stressed, it makes you more reactionary, it feeds into the insecurities, your cortisol goes up, you store more fat, it’s not good for your health and it’s just not good for anyone.
Often times negative comments can hurt someone else. Other people maybe haven’t practiced self-development and don`t have a lot of confidence so you’re also part of the problem in the world, the problem of hate and negativity for other human beings in the world and you’re supporting that, instead of being a solution to it.
When you decide to live your life with love and happiness and no one’s perfect you’re not going to get this perfect right away, but just be aware of this and try to be proactive with loving and giving other people and living in happiness when you do it will not only change your life but also your relationships with other people.
I believe energetically we send energy to other human beings.
There’s a ripple effect that occurs, the more that you give the more you serve others, it’s like almost like a karmic effect.
I don’t know if you believe in that or not, but it just makes the world a better place.
Often times when you`re in that place you’re going to compliment other people, you’re going to praise them, you’re going to encourage them and you know they’re going to reciprocate that back to you.
That’s my encouragement, that’s my advice for you and hopefully, this can help a lot of you in your lives is to be a force for good in life.
Be cheerleaders, be a fountain, not a drain and practice giving, serving other people.
Let`s wrap up this article with a little story about how to stop judging others and be accepting:
There was an old lady who went to a bank and said to the cashier: I would like to withdraw $500.
The female cashier told her: “I`m sorry Madam, for withdrawals of any amount less than $5000 you may have to use the ATM actually”.
When the old lady asked why. The cashier who was irritated annoyingly said: Madam, look. Rules are rules, okay? There`s a long queue behind you, please let me do my work.
The old lady replied: Then please help me withdraw all the money I have.
The cashier was astonished when she checked the account balance, she turned to the old lady, leaned down and said: My apologies madam, you have $ 3.5 billion in your account and our bank does not have so much cash currently, could you kindly make an appointment and come again tomorrow, please?
The old lady asked: OK, but how much cash can I withdraw now?
The cashier promptly and now respectfully replied: Any amount up tp $300.000.
The old lady told the cashier that she wanted to withdraw $300.000 from her account.
The cashier did so quickly and handed over the amount to her. Guess what the old lady did?
She kept $500 in her bag and returned the balance of $299.500 back to the cashier asking her to deposit it back into the account only to leave the cashier astonished and dumb-founded.
Isn`t it a fact that way too often we end up judging a book by its cover?
Many times people around us possess the wealth of deep insights, experience, wisdom but because of being caught up with the social standards and because of their modest externals we could easily misjudge and miss out on the opportunity to receive so much.
The next time you are around someone, remember, they may possess wealth, that you have no idea about. Stop yourself from judging them and you may be tremendously benefitted by what they have.