Online dating is very hard for men, as it is not an easy or natural way to connect with others. To most men, it is a recourse of last resort, when in reality they would rather be out doing things, and experiencing life through action! Men find that from early on that the best way to learn things is by actually having the experience, and the Experiential Learning Theory works for them.
Why is dating so hard for guys?
Women tend to learn differently and are happy to sit down and connect online and by expressing themselves through writing and often feel the need to prepare themselves for the ‘concrete’ experience when they will be more prepared and ready for the event.
So men and women learn differently, and from a male point of view, it is extremely hard work sitting down and putting thoughts into words when they would much rather be putting thoughts into actions.
BEFORE YOU START ONLINE DATING
Before you establish your online profile, work out what you really want in a woman. Make it clear that you are not just looking for any women, but the right women. Be careful, because you are entering new territory and you don’t actually know anything about the other person, and you want to learn what you can before you go any further.
Read her profile carefully and keep your first message short, at about 3 sentences. You don’t want to look as if you are trying too hard.
Keep the vibe light, when it is right it will happen and you don’t want your communication to look too stilted.
Be patient, and be prepared to take a few risks, but don’t let it go on for too long as it is really stressful dating in this manner.
EASY ONLINE DATING IN STEPS
- Be honest, don’t misrepresent yourself.
- Lower your expectations, most women will exaggerate their profiles.
- Take the lead, be masterful.
- Stay with it, at least for a few days.
- Try to work out what their expectations are, this can be like deciphering a code.
- After a few days try to arrange a meeting with her so that you can get the online torture over.
DATING ONLINE PROFILES
Get your profile up to date, and talk about something that reveals the more pleasing aspects of your personality. Ask her questions like ‘What sort of programs did you watch on TV when you were a child’? The answer may show that you have something in common. Online dating is just another cog in your social life, don’t take it too seriously. If you have managed to set a time and place to meet, be sure that it is somewhere familiar that you feel comfortable in. When you do meet don’t spend too long there on the first date, just long enough find out more about one another, two hours is plenty.
Leave her wanting to see you again.
ONLINE DATING TIPS
- Don’t boast or brag.
- Try to be original.
- Never admit that you had help writing your profile.
- If you have a broken marriage behind you, the first date is not the time to discuss it.
- Everyone who likes your main photo will want to see more, post two or three.
- Keep your clothes on in the photo, no naked torsos.
- You don’t have to answer every email.
- If you don’t meet up quickly (within a week), stop messaging as it is a waste of time.
- Split the bill at the first meeting.
- Call on the phone the next day.
If you are a young guy, Tinder is the most popular dating app, but there are other choices, so keep your options open there are a large number of digital dating platforms. Once again it is important to start off by clarifying your expectations.
- What type of relationship are you looking for?
- If someone ‘talks themselves up’ too much beware.
- Personalize your greeting.
- Act with maturity, if you don’t want to date someone, tell them politely.
- Be authentic try to write honestly.
- Structure your profile 70% about you and 30% about what you are looking for.
- Don’t say anything negative.
- Check your spelling and grammar, you want to leave a good impression.
- Never be sleazy.
- Grab her attention.
No prospective date wants to read a boring list of adjectives. mention your work and how you like to devote time to it, but only a brief description.
Your profile is serious business, so don’t play games, once you have everything right, if you like her ask her out.
Spokeo is a free service and if you type in a person’s username, email, or the full name you can see if they have created dating profiles on other websites. This is a free service, but you must create an account and agree to their terms.
Why has online dating become so difficult for guys?
Some men say really silly things like ‘no fat chicks’, and if you make such inappropriate comments, you will scare off everyone even if you are just trying to be funny it doesn’t work on a site.
Even if you are genuinely funny, limit being funny until you get to know one another. We all know people with ‘no filter’ and this can be a minefield when dating.
Keep your profile as short as possible. Whether you like online dating or not, it seems to be the way things are now, so it is important to put our best profile forward.
The best thing to do is to put yourself into a dating mindset and be yourself. Put yourself first, remember you are the important one here, and be clear about what you are looking for. Listen to your gut reaction and don’t be impulsive. Stop looking for your perfect match as no one is perfect.
Use your two or three pictures to make a good initial impression as they are what will sell you on the first impression and be brave. Take the lead and don’t put off that initial meeting.